Brother John

Oh brother John, I'm sorry I make you so blind
Even from so far away
It's true that I might be a star, but if I am a star,
What are you, John?
And I know I keep telling you, but I can't stop speaking it
Spain is just the best place I've ever seen
I keep asking you to come with me
Because whenever I'm on a flight
I can't stop missing you
I keep seeing you on stage
Singing and dancing
In my mind
John, why do you keep saying that
I'm older than you because I see things in a different view
It might be true, my eyes are dead, but if that's true then
So are yours
And together we see
what we see, who knows?
But at least we see something
And we aren't just sitting down and
hurting because of scars that won't heal

Destroy matter

So is this what we've become?  
                       That I become me 
And you become you 
Because I can't help but think of when you held me 
when you didn't suddenly hate me 
taking me close and saying 
I'll never let go
So what was that? A lie?
I can't believe you have become you 
since I am still stuck on us 
How "us" is now a ghost to you 
Thinking you can destroy matter with fire
                    instead of
                          it simply turning 

Blood and guts

So a little opening before this poem, I am fine. I was at a very dark place in my life when I wrote this where I thought everyone was against me, but I have gotten over it and I trust people again. Yet I recently find this poem in my room and thought I would edit it and share it with you guys! There is a bit of bad language in here so you have been warned. Thanks for reading!

I feel lied to
Pulled apart gut by gut
All the blood and guts were pulled out of me
When you talked
I realized everyone just wanted to get under my skin
To scoop out all my blood, guts, and tears
And I tried so hard mother
Because I thought everyone was here to help me
But they were here to make me bleed
I feel like I'm going crazy
I watched you take out my insides
When you talked to me
You bombed my heart
Our conversation creating armies and mud trenches
It looked like Vietnam in the 60s
It looked so fucked
It still does from the conversation we had
When you told me things I wish I never knew
Because I looked down, and I was bleeding
My guts spilled on the floor
"Have I always been such a damn fool?"
I keep asking myself
Such a fucking fool
Trusting everyone I meet
MY WHOLE LIFE I've been cheated
Gambled out of everything I've had
God I just wanna die
I've been made a fool of
Everyone lied to me
Everyone has made me bleed
And I'm the one who let them in
For letting them use me like a tool
god i just wanna die

Written 2/18/19

Self-destructing boy

The self-destructing boy 
is going to go shatter himself
to pieces
so make sure to say your
tidings and peaces
Because prayers can't save
But my god, will it feel good
As his soul makes plans
against him
And when he break down
he breaks like a china plate
He smokes & drinks as
his soul makes plans of it's own


So do you still feel
or did you give that up long ago?
Because when you broke my heart you were motionless
I cried in bed. you by bedside
night light

The street light that lit the way of sidewalk
where you randomly throw my heart
across across across| across across |
across across across| across across |
across across across| across across |
across across across| t h e s t r e e t. |
across across across| across across |
across across across| across across |
across across across| across across |
across across across| across across |